whirlwind

its been a while. ive been busy.

busy is good...but sometimes i have a minute to think...and i get anxious

im planning on moving out this weekend. i just have no idea when i'm actually going to move out.

i wish my brain wouldnt start a whirlwind of thoughts as soon as i think one little thing.... it gets out of control.

ill write a little more when ive calmed down a little....

just another day at work today.

little lemons

i received a package in the mail from sweden a few days after a night of browsing etsy....

opened it up and saw this!

a brand new pair of the cutest earrings ever! little lemon slices! i love my little lemons. and they are uber cute on!

the perfect little pick me up. :D

vanilla twilight

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

--Owl City

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inexplicable

inexplicable: incapable of being explained, or accounted for. see lucy's heart.

i feel a lot of things should be left for my own journal today.

but i have all of these feelings and thoughts that that are bottled up inside me and may burst any day. i'm really good at having anxiety.

yesterday i was talking to the sweetest girl i work with. her name is lyidia and she is from ukraine. she really warmed up to me with her big smile when i offered her help when she was really busy. she is the best seamstress around. anyway we were talking about russian and how much i love her accent. (you should have heard her say she got her shirt at ross...it was the cutest thing) i told her i knew a few russian words and told her 'i love you'. she just giggled at me. when i asked her to teach me a new word she said, 'pakah'. ....it means goodbye. i smiled and said it to her as she left...

but the instant she told me it made me sad.

....ironic, isnt it?

i love family

i should really be in bed....

but i want to make sure i share these things..honestly so i dont forget tomorrow when i'm not feeling so hot.

....but you can read too...

im grateful for family. and friends. and honestly i dont have very many friends but im grateful for the ones i have.

im also grateful that the Lord knows me...and puts people in my path during the day to help me remember that. this morning i walked into work and said hi to my manager. she immediately asked me if i was ok. she said i seemed different. seriously? i had literally only been there for 5 seconds before she asked.

i like to pretend im tough and so i usually like to keep things to myself. but the fact that she was so aware of my feelings i decided to spill it. she gave me the biggest longest hug. and boy did it feel good.

ten hours later i spilled my guts to my aunt too. i guess i was a little better at pretending i was tough because she said she wouldnt have had any idea i was having a hard time. ANYway...the point is. im soo so so glad that i have family close now. i know its weird, but its like they just appeared (even though theyve been here all along). you see i say i work with my aunt...but shes my great aunt. and we have never been super close other than our family reunions every other year. and now....now i have this GREAT blessing of not only having one more person i know loves me...but to have that person at work. it makes a HUGE difference.

sometimes you just need a hug. and having new (old) family close by is a good source of that.

then i got to come over to my bestest friends house who was willing to let me stay the night and tell her about my day. AND she knows i needed a pick me up and greeted me with TWO princess presents. how awesome is she?

im grateful that the Lord knows what i need. and has helped me recognize friends to do creative things with, family who gives me hugs, and more friends who offer a place to stay when i REALLY dont feel like going home to my depressing apartment. and even though i have struggled a lot today... he has put a few things here and there to help me remember life isnt so crappy.

a much needed day out

isnt she hot? des was nice enough to take pictures of me today....and i returned the favor....just not as amazingly awesome as she did! holy smokes she is good.

sorry des, i couldnt resist. i wanted to share. thank you so much for today! lets do it again soon....please.