PTCD

i think i'm suffering from post traumatic christmas disorder.

i'm back to the office and i think i could cry.
things have settled and there are no more presents to buy.
christmas cheer has slowly faded.
its quiet in here.

help! how do i keep that christmas feeling all year!?

flurries.

it snowed yesterday. (it never snows in oregon. half an inch managed to close all schools). and i can't believe i'm saying this...but i miss it. it took a few flurries to make me remember how peaceful and gorgeous it is. there's a special something about a fresh blanket of snow. it melted away by the end of the day but that short glimpse of all white stuck with me. i'm secretly wishing it will snow again.

living at home during the holidays again is so nice. i get to enjoy christmas decorations in my cozy home, going to get a tree, singing in sacrament with my sisters, and going to christmas themed ward activities. i don't know what it is about this year, but i feel like it's a special one. there has been a lot of change in the last year, and i feel happy where i am. i know i'm supposed to be here and this time of year just gives me the chance to really soak it all in.

i am so grateful for:
the gospel
my savior
the scriptures
the calling to teach
good parents who love each other
a beautiful place to live
music
a boyfriend who takes care of me
friends who love me
giving gifts
the atonement and the chance it gives me to be a better person
a new job
learning new things

life is good.

peachy

yesterday i canned peaches for the first time. 

well...canning dunn family style. meaning not just peaches....but peach PIE filling. 

yummy. 

i loved getting to hang out with mom and learn how to do something new! can't wait to actually make a pie! 

my favorite season

this year could quite possibly be the most red fall i've ever experienced in utah. 

i love the sound of gravel under my tires

and the sound of wind blowing through the leaves. 

what a great time of year! 

bring on the snuggling in blankets and caramel apple ciders!

laid off

apparently i no longer have a job.

you heard me right. i was just as shocked to hear it.

today i was informed i have been laid off. and yesterday was my last day of work.

im now unemployed.

as if getting demoted, and having my hours significantly cut on multiple occasions wasn't enough.

awesome......

anyone want to hire me for a month before i move? im poor.

lunch

so what if i ate an ice cream bar for breakfast

at 2:30.... in the afternoon

which is really like a late lunch.

all because i laid in bed all morning.

so what. it was good.

employees

i have learned quite a bit in the last couple of years about running a business. what to do, and what not to do. i think one of the most important things i've come to understand is how important employees are.

let me just share a couple of thoughts with you. i could go off on this subject but i will refrain for the time being.

1. employees are important!
2. if you are not willing to invest in good employees you need to do some re-evaluating
3. employees should be happy to work for you
4. you should treat employees like you are happy they work for you
5. a hard working, competent, reliable employee is hard to come by...so appreciate them!

sometimes there are situations where your employees need to be taken care of above other needs. unfortunately this may come as a financial or personal loss. yet, there are times that these losses are more effective in the long run to continue to have the loyalty of your employee.

let me share an example of bad employee relations:

say its tuesday and as a sales team there is a daily goal to reach in order to receive a bonus. after a hard days work the sales goal is reached and each person goes home that night with a $50 cash bonus in their pocket (good employee relations). a few days later you hear a customer service concern with one of the customers from tuesday. a few more days pass and you learn that despite your VERY strong policy of no returns the owner has decided give this customer a full refund due to a mistake on the stores part. the mistake was caused by the manager who pushed the sale when she could not guarantee that all services would be met. this is fine. the store knowingly made a mistake and went against policy to satisfy a customer. BUT since this sale was originally made on that tuesday and was refunded it essentially is removed from the sales numbers that day. therefore that goal technically would not have been reached. since that is now the case, the bonus is now void. and despite the fact that each employee walked home with CASH in their pocket the employer has asked for that $50 back from each employee 7 days later. ONE whole week. either in cash or to be taken from their next paycheck.

seriously? this is NOT ok, so not ok. had the bonus not been cash it may have been a different story. but money was given to employees that night! for a mistake that their boss made!

awful employee relations, awful.

if as an employer you are not willing to lose money in an unusual situation like this, that type of incentive should not be in place. but this should be one of those situations where employee needs should be taken care of above a financial loss in the store. (let be honest....$150 to employees is not that bad compared to a $5000 sales day) it just leaves a very bitter taste in employees mouths, and can potentially negatively affect the company in the future.

so treat your employees well! dont be afraid to show them that you are willing to take a loss for them to be happy.

the end.

glide

in the mornings they glide on the south side,
and in the evenings they glide on the north.

i always count to see how many of them are there when i pass the point.

i've always wanted to try it.

some days are lonely.
and things are kept to myself.

so i try to turn them into my little moments.
where i enjoy something for myself. and just myself.

A Mother

I love the difference between the pamphlets for fathers and mothers. The one to the men is essentially a list and very to the point. Whereas the one to the women is very touchy feely. It explains more of why the things listed are important and include a lot of praise for the women. It is made very clear that a mothers calling is the greatest of all. The following are from Ezra Taft Benson.

A mothers responsibilities are (with a few reasons why) :
--first and most, mothers are to conceive, to bear, to nourish, to love, and to train children. "to multiply and replenish the earth"
--eagerly and prayerfully invite children into her home
--to not postpone having children
--have children, and have them early. mothers who enjoy good health, be sure not to curtail the number of your children for personal or selfish reasons. to have those sweet spirits come into the home is worth practically any sacrifice. (did you get that......practically ANY sacrifice. that's huge.)
--spend her full time in the home in rearing and caring for her children
--take care of the family
--be an assistant to her husband, to work with him, but not to earn the living except in unusual circumstances
--make home a heaven for her family
--spend time with her children
--take time to be at the crossroads when her children are coming or going, when they leave and return from school, when they leave and return from dates, and when they bring friends home
--be a real friend to her children
--listen to her children, really listen
--talk with her children, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, play with them, cry with them
--hug and honestly praise her children
--take time to pray with her children. have children feel her faith as she calls down the blessings of heaven upon them
--take time to have meaningful weekly home evening. make sure to have her children actively involved in this
--teach children correct principles
--take time to be together at mealtimes as often as possible. work at sharing the days plans and activities. have special teaching moments at mean time
--take time to do things together as a family. make family outings and picnics and birthday celebrations and trips special times and memory builders
--attend events as a family where one of the family members is involved
--attend church meetings together and sit together as a family when you can

"The ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness, yes, longing to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughter, whose influence will be felt through generations to come, ...deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God." David O. McKay

"I promise you the blessings of heaven and 'all that the Father hath' as you magnify the noblest calling of all-- a mother in Zion."

I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful mom. She has taught me so much.  I hope as I learn and grow and continue to develop myself now that I can prepare to be the a good mom, just like her.

i admit

when i open facebook and see announcements that people are engaged or having a baby....my heart gets sad and drops a little.

you may be saying, "oh lucy, don't be a baby." but seriously..EVERYone is getting married and making babies. its not uncommon on my news feed. just today i had three announcements of this exciting news.

its a bitter sweet feeling.

dont get me wrong...i'm excited for them, maybe just a little jealous.

A Father

I have an absolutely amazing dad and I really look up to him. So after Fathers day I have spent some time thinking about what a fathers responsibilities are. So I did a little research. The church put out a pamphlet called "To the Fathers in Israel" by Ezra Taft Benson in 1987. I've had the chance to read through it and have written down the responsibilities that the church lays out for fathers. So I want to share! Be prepared for a long list.....

A fathers responsibilities are:
--provide for the material needs of his family
--not postpone children for the need of education or material things in order to keep the wife working
--provide for his family in such a way that the wife is allowed to fulfill her role as mother in the home
--provide spiritual leadership in his family
           some example are:
     --give fathers blessings to his children
     --baptize and confirm his children
     --ordain his sons to the priesthood
     --personally direct family prayers, daily scripture reading, and weekly family home evenings
     --attend church meetings together as a family
     --go on daddy-daughter dates and father-son outings with his children
     --as a family go on camp outs, and picnics, ball games and recitals, school programs etc.
     --build family traditions of family vacations, trips and outings
     --have regular one-on-one visits with his children
     --teach his children gospel principles and true values
     --tell his children he loves them
     --teach his children to work, and show them the value of working toward a worthy goal
     --encourage good music, art and literature in his home
     --regularly attend the temple with his wife
     --have his children see his joy and satisfaction in service to the church
--live within his income and save a little
--love his wife with all his heart and cleave unto her and none else (there is only one other thing in all scripture that we are commanded to love with all our hearts and that is God himself. think of what that means!)
--have nothing except God himself take priority over his wife in his life -- not work, not recreation, not hobbies
--treat his wife as his precious, eternal helpmate
--never demean his wife, criticize her, find fault in her, or abuse her by words, sullen behavior, or actions
--stay close to his wife, be loyal and faithful to her, communicate with her and express love to her
--be sensitive to his wife's needs and feelings
--notice and treasure his wife
--tell his wife that he views her as lovely and attractive and important to him
--put his wife's welfare and self-esteem as a high priority in his life
--be grateful that his wife is the mother of his children and the queen of his home. grateful that she has chosen homemaking and motherhood -- to bear, to nourish, to love and to train his children as the noblest calling of all
--recognize his wife's intelligence and her ability to counsel with him as a real partner regarding family plans, family activities and family budgeting. don't be stingy with his time or means.
--give his wife the opportunity to grow intellectually, emotionally, and socially as well as spiritually
--assume leadership in working with his children
--help create a home where the spirit of the Lord can abide
--give direction in family life. take an active part in establishing family rules and discipline
--make his home a place of happiness and joy. no child should fear his own father -- especially a priesthood father

A father's calling is sacred, it is his most important calling in time and eternity. A calling from which he will never be released.

What a great list! It may seem long and daunting, but I know that if he is living the gospel these things can be easy. I hope that my future husband and father of my children understands these responsibilities and is happy and willing to work on them.

Next...are the responsibilities of a mother.

you know it's bad....

...when you decide to miss out on a little extra money to take a long lunch just so your manager can remember what it's like to be on the sales floor by herself. Or just on the floor helping customers at all....

new name, new look.

i've got a new name!

i've always disliked 'miss lucy dunn' for some reason. i didn't feel like it was clever enough for a blog. so after all this time i've finally come up with something different. and despite the fact that i've been told 'i don't get it' i'm stickin to it!

i have a lot more time on my hands these days with my work schedule. and being the lazy person that i am, i haven't been very useful with it.

i have a lot of ideas of things to write about, but can never seem to get myself to actually sit down and get my thoughts into words.

so i'll do a little update. i live in salt lake now. in a basement apartment. i currently live by myself and am looking for a roommate (hasn't been too successful). my neighbors upstairs are a newly married couple. which leads to funny statements like "sorry our bed is busted, so sorry if its been loud." oh all the implications that statement can make.

i came to the conclusion that the one thing i can rely on that makes me happy in utah is my fairly new car. i look forward to the drive to and from work and any time spent on the freeway in the summer with the windows down. apparently my driving skills are becoming more 'utah-like' which i guess could be attributed to the fact that i have more horsepower than my previous car.

at work i've moved from being a chief to an indian. i just show up and do what i'm told. i get less opportunities to express some creativity with the store (more on that in a later post). it's unfortunate because i feel like i have a lot to offer. but i still enjoy building relationships and selling dresses. this all leads me to looking for a new job. i should be better, but luckily this job reminds me everyday that i deserve better, so i need to go find it.

i feel like a different person these days. and i like it. the last year has definitely been an interesting one. i recognize the blessings of having the spirit. trials seem less like trials when you have heavenly father to turn to. what a blessing it is to be able to turn to him whenever you need to ask for his help.

im making progress, and i plan to keep it up with all this momentum. it feels good to have goals and to be working on the person i want to be.

breakdown

sometimes i break down. and i can't help it. my body feels weak and i cry little puddles of tears. it usually isn't for any particular reason. its just that my heart and mind grow weary of having to stay strong. and as a result my emotions cant help but pour out of me in the form of tears.

tonight in the middle of making dinner my body collapsed (not that real collapse, but that overwhelming feeling of weakness) and i found myself sitting on the floor crying. in the middle of the kitchen. at 9:45. on a friday night in my pj's. repeatedly asking mysef "what am i doing here."

it was a moment of weakness. i just let it happen.
i let myself cry.
and i accepted that for that moment that i can't be strong all the time.

these tend to pop up...

when i have a lot rolling around in my head and no one to share them with.

i want a lot of things.
i want to be better.
i want to read books.
and take pretty photos.
be outside.

video has really inspired me lately.
(note to self....make sure to have a videographer whenever i get married.)


these made me cry:





i want to be inspired.
i want to be around beautiful things.
i want to make beautiful things.
and be in beautiful places.

i want to travel and have adventures.
and i want to share all of these things with the one i love.

but the lord is teaching me patience...
and so in the meantime i will make myself a better person for my future husband.
because he deserves the best.
and so do i.

this morning i cried

in my sleep.

and couldnt stop once i woke up.

its a weird thing to tell your heart that its so upset about something that is not real.

then i cried again

in fear of not being able to get married and have a family someday.

this has never happened before.

i think my emotions are playing tricks on me.

i feel

so blessed.

so happy.

and so grateful.

its hard not knowing what the future holds.

but im learning its ok not to know.

the lord will prepare a way

and wants us to be happy.

things will work out.

it just requires a little patience

and faith.

so here i am...

excited to do my part to show him i'm willing.

eventually the rest will fall into place.

grateful for amazing friends that help me grow

and are constantly helping me remember that this is right.

the church is good.

lesson learned.

ive been blessed this last week. even though its been tough.

the lord has reminded me that he is still there and that he wants what is best for me.

he reminded me that i need to rely on him more

that i need to do things on my own sometimes to grow

and that his timing is perfect

i was offered a good opportunity this week that i wasn't sure that i wanted. i wanted a change, but i wasnt sure if this was the best way to make that change. i spent time praying about it and talking to close friends and family on whether or not i should take it. i had no impressions either way on what to do. it was stressful and created a lot of anxiety for me.

this was one of those situations where both answers were good. and the lord didnt have an answer for me. it was a situation where i just had to have faith and take a step forward. and wait for him to approve my decision or let me know it wasnt what was best for me. so thats what i did.

i took a step.

and moved forward with what i needed to do. i was proud of myself for doing so. all on my own.

until a few days later i got a phone call telling me that they had changed their mind and that i was no longer given this opportunity. it was a total and complete shock. i had spent all this time working on coming to a decision and here i was pacing in the parking lot being told i couldnt have it anymore.

it was a total and complete surprise. but i take comfort in knowing that for some reason thats not what my heavenly father wanted me to do. he was proud of me for making a decision but he has something else planned for me.

"When we explain a problem and a proposed solution, sometimes He answers yes, sometimes no. Often He withholds an answer, not for lack of concern, but because He loves us—perfectly. He wants us to apply truths He has given us. For us to grow, we need to trust our ability to make correct decisions. We need to do what we feel is right. In time, He will answer. He will not fail us." --Richard G. Scott

"If, in trust, we begin something which is not right, He will let us know before we have gone too far." -- Richard G. Scott

so here i am. at square one again. but only after learning a very important lesson and being stretched a little further.

maybe. or maybe not. but maybe.

im a princess, and i deserve to be treated like one.

a friend told me that on the phone today jokingly about annoying girls.

but lets be honest.....its how i feel.

do i need to wear a tiara all the time to remind people that? because i will....

i want to feel appreciated. in all aspects of my life.

at my workplace,

in my romantic relationships,

with my family, and friends

its a good feeling. and makes me want to be better.

i have a lot of good traits. im good at what i do. and every now and again i enjoy having someone genuinely recognize that and let me know that they appreciate it.

its nice to be independent and to do things on my own. but sometimes i want to just sit back and be taken care of....because they love me. thats all.

sometimes...

i have so many things going on in my head i cant quite sort all of it out.

life is funny. and timing is an interesting thing.

i am very blessed and sometimes its easy to forget that.

its easy to just fall into my typical funk without recognizing that there are good things out there.

today i was reminded how it feels to want to make goals and be creative.

i will start working out

and i will start using my camera more.

things could be a lot worse, so i should start making the best....