tango

dear mr. tango,

please teach me how to dance your dance.

without all the awkward in-between stuff where i look stupid trying to be sexy. and then find me a sexy dance partner who knows what he's doing. and a nice sexy dress for me to wear.

thanks.

sincerely,

lucy

snow...

today was my only day off. and it snowed.

which was ok because i spent time inside doing some spring cleaning and getting ready to pack up and move. i threw away a whole trash bag full of stuff.

after getting some work done, i decided to treat/pamper myself. i finally used a gift certificate for a massage my mom gave me literally two years ago. so i went to the spa tonight for a date with myself. i had an hour in the sauna to myself. although i only lasted about 30 minutes actually in the heat. and then had an hour body massage.....ahh....so nice

it was my second real massage and this one was the best yet. i didnt want it to end. i may have to start treating myself more often.

then i got myself some costa vida and a movie. feels nice to have a day for myself.

look what i found in my front yard today. the first sign of spring! a little tulip. i'm so excited!! hang in there little guy!!

so i'll run, but not too far...in case you chase me.....

missy higgins....thank you.

thank you for filling my car with great music to listen to over and over and over again on my drive this week.

ive been thinkin.....im in need of a surprise. a REALLLlly good one. one where someone says 'lucy i love you so much i decided to visit you from so far away' or something ridiculous like that. i dont even care what it is, sometimes i just need something unexpected. but happy unexpected...ive had my fair share of unhappy unexpected here lately.

ive just gotta stop psyching myself out. for petes sake lucy, thats not a white honda civic driving by. its just another car with a loud muffler (seriously how can there be so many in utah) so stop thinking by some crazy chance youre getting surprised.

in un-surprising, but exciting news i just booked my flight to disneyland! it'll be reaaaaall fun! it'll be good to have a little vacation.

ten buckaroos baby

i did something crazy this morning....

i woke up early, put on some ridiculous clothes, and went outside in the 23 degree weather for a jog/walk.

i know what youre thinking....'is this really lucy typing all of this?'

yup...yup it totally is. i did a SPEED walk up the hill and a jog down the hill. (go ahead...laugh) but i did it! and it felt good. (angry runs are my favorite...and really the only time i feel motivated to get out and pretend to run away from everything) i love that point when your heart gets tired but oh how it wants more of it!

the best part of my run was that at the top of the hill, i found ten bucks just layin on the ground saying "lucy, you made it! take me!"

i think if someone this morning told me as i was whining to myself in bed...'hey lucy i'll pay you ten bucks to run up the hill and back' i proooobably would have gotten my butt up a little earlier.

deep limbic system

from my walk to the temple a while back. i love that i dont even have to edit (cuz i dont know how).

i'm reading a really interesting book. i would love to tell you everything about it but then i'd be summarizing the whole book and i would just suggest reading it. its called 'change your brain, change your life'

heres what i learned....the deep limbic system is a spot right in the middle of your brain the size of a walnut. its responsible for the emotional tone of the mind, modulating motivation, controlling appetite and sleep cycles, and promoting bonding. its a pretty powerful little thing. if its overworked it can accentuate any of the above mentioned things. such as moodiness, irritability, depression, increases negative thinking, negative perception of events, decreased motivation, flood of negative emotions, appetite and sleep problems and social isolation. so basically this is a pretty big influencer in lucy's brain considering im good at all of the above. haha.

the book mentions some reasons why this part of the brain would work harder than necessary. the first reason is bonding disruption. "many who experience grief say the pain actually feels physical. this sensation is not imaginary. grief often activates the pain centers in the brain, which are housed near the deep limbic system." so when i feel my body may collapse in times of 'increased negative feeling' im most likely not making it up. and for some reason thats comforting. losing your love "can be extraordinarily painful because the deep limbic connection has been broken. that person has become part of the chemical bond of that part of the brain, and it takes time for that bond to dissolve. your deep limbic system misses the person's touch, voice, and smell." and relationships that were more difficult tend to make it worse because those things arent/wont be resolved.

....am i talking too much? probably. i just find all of this stuff so interesting. but at least when i feel like my body may just quit on me....i know why.

i dont really know how to follow all of this up. i just felt like sharing.

i wish i could have a camera with me at all times. that way i could stop whatever i was doing whenever i wanted and magically be in the best spot to take a picture of the things around me. heavenly father created such a beautiful place for me! on my drive home tonight above the mountains was a raincloud. because it was only cloudy in this one place and the sun was setting on the opposite side of the sky it created quite the scene. i wish i could have documented it so i could feel the same way i did marveling at it on my drive home.

i returned to the olive garden for dinner tonight with des. it was nice to have someone to talk about my day with. i miss that.....

im done with today....bed please.

whirlwind

its been a while. ive been busy.

busy is good...but sometimes i have a minute to think...and i get anxious

im planning on moving out this weekend. i just have no idea when i'm actually going to move out.

i wish my brain wouldnt start a whirlwind of thoughts as soon as i think one little thing.... it gets out of control.

ill write a little more when ive calmed down a little....

just another day at work today.

little lemons

i received a package in the mail from sweden a few days after a night of browsing etsy....

opened it up and saw this!

a brand new pair of the cutest earrings ever! little lemon slices! i love my little lemons. and they are uber cute on!

the perfect little pick me up. :D

vanilla twilight

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

--Owl City

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